Been a long time since I wrote on this, but lately I've felt the need to express my inner thoughts and be able to read them rather than let them build up in my mind. So much has been going on since the last entry. I cannot even begin to describe how crazy life has been and all the events that have taken place. My heart finally realized that no longer do I truly need to be with someone. I pushed and scratched my way to being with someone I had not even known in person, so by doing so and seeing the ending result, I've dedicated myself to no longer falling into that trap. For the past several months conversations have taken place with plenty of ladies, but I refrain from falling into that stage of feeling that I once thought my heart was in. When the right girl comes along, I'll know it. And besides, they always say, "Don't go looking for love, let love come to you." By this point, I'm having to play by those rules with the other events taking place very soon.

I'm moving after nine plus years of living in Mufreesboro, Tennessee. These times have been magical and wonderful in all words I could come up with. People have come into my life that I probably will never forget no matter what. And yes, bad experiences have happened, but really who has a perfect life? Some of the friends I had were great in those moments of time, but as days went by and maturity was in one state of mind as opposed to another, you realize the friendship isn't meshing together quite the same that it was during the "Golden" years. But others have stayed in my life and those are ones that I would hardly even begin to think about forgetting. They have created ever lasting memories for me and not once would a negative thought come about of those people.

Maybe what I'm trying to get at is I'm going to miss living here. I'm going to miss my friends and my family. I'll even miss the job I've had for three years because the co-workers have been outstanding and I've had a boss that truly cared about the well being of her employees. Saying goodbye is never easy. But sometimes, you must say goodbye to begin a new hello.

Sitting up late at night thinking about the wonders of my world. Oddly enough, I haven't spoken on here in awhile but for good reason. My laptop has been fighting the issues of the internet world of routers and unsecure networks, not to mention the dying face that I can't type as well on a desktop computer. So here I am finally updating about the wonders of my life and the fruits that seems to be growing throughout it. Where on earth would I begin though? I guess we could make a quick start to:

College life...semester three. Yes, not only did I pass my classes last semester (except for university siminar, which is the most pointless class anyone could ever take), but I made my return to MTSU for another crack at passing my classes. While I'm already beginning to feel burned out and knowing that I honestly don't want to read or do my work, I know I must shake off this feeling and get my face back to doing what I was born to do. It isn't like I don't want to do it, I just feel really lazy just to be quite honest. I've begun to see why the high school system makes their winter break last only two weeks. By having one month off of school in the university, you begin to adjust yourself to not doing any work thus prompting laziness. Some people have the knack for shaking off that winter break stint and get right back into doing what they do best. Others can't seem to and are forced to start the sufferage right as they begin classes. I'm sure there are other groups too, but this is where that second group kicks it up a knotch on me and take over; I can't focus. My body got so used to doing nothing, that doing actual school work isn't what I want to do. But I've gotten get over it, focus and start getting myself prepared for the entire semester. Having classes from 6:20 in the morning until 5:45 at night doesn't really help, but it was the schedule I chose to have and it is what I must reckon with for the rest of this semester.

But what I really want to talk to myself about is my lady situation. As of a few weeks ago, I began going out with a wonderful lady named Chelsea Butler. She has been so much for me and it's hard to describe in complete words how she makes me feel. It seems like everytime I think about those beautiful blue eyes of hers, my smile gets bigger and bigger. She makes me feel like I could purchase everything on the McDonald's menu and still have money left over to buy the world. Her living 25 hours away though, not so much of something I enjoy. Now this is not to say that she's always going to be this far away. In august, she will be attending the University of Tennessee at Knoxville, so yes, she will be closer. But in that exact same month, my current plan has been to transfer to Murray State University to further my education in journalism. 25 hours gets cut down to 5 which isn't bad at all. I've never wanted to be with someone so much right now in my life. She has been everything I've been looking for and yet so much more. Just staying up late with her and constantly reminding her how cute and adorable, not to mention how sweet and caring she is to me. And even as I type this, there is not only a smile on my face but also a smile on my heart.

I'm just saying things on my mind but that's never a problem. I just like to express how I feel.

Wow...the end of the semester. Hard to believe I actually finished it this time around. By now I have proven to myself that I can handle the pressure of the college university schedule and that I can make it to the end. When I look back at this semester, I see so much that I've grown up and become who I am becoming by far for the best and not for the worst. Right now I can look at all the "friends" I lost and have no doubt that it was for the best interest of myself. I'm not saying they are bad people or anything, because I know deep down they are some of the best, brightest people that anyone could ever ask for in their lives. But for me, I just didn't see myself being close to them just because we didn't seem to connect on the same page anymore. But besides friends, I've also learned a little bit more about myself. And I'm glad I'm finding out who I am, because I lost touch with Brandon Wallace about 2 years ago. He was someone I wanted to know more about and keep up with...yet somehow he slowly disappeared. It wasn't until long drives, cigarettes smoked, and loads of music did he finally return to the scene. He isn't the same guy, but he is trying his best to return to those days of being who he was. College is preping him for the future and you know for a fact that he will be ready for the challenge.

Speaking of challenges, lately it would seem that my biggest challenge is in that of the ladies. Never have I really been this torn between two ladies. When you still care about your ex but also find feeling for another lady it can sometimes cause an epidemic amongst yourself. Who should I go for? What draws me towards each lady? Why the hell am I even going for two ladies at the same time? Haha yeah I don't get myself either. But maybe this is something good. Love itself is a challenge that we choose to take ourselves upon. Even when we claim we don't care anymore about love, inside ourselves is that part that yurns for the affection of another. Doesn't matter if we are talking about heterosexuals or homosexuals. Hell it doesn't even matter if it is a transexual bipolar zombie with every STD, because I still get that zombie wants love...and brains. This challenge doesn't bother me at all. Because I've been given so many throughout my life and it is safe to say I have passed over half of them. But I've failed many more to go along with it, so it's not like I'm being cocky.

Just felt like I should give myself a little update. Maybe even remind myself to listen to more XM Radio Alt Nation. This has been a great healing project for myself as of late. No, not like my old AIM name Healing_Project, although that was a pretty cool name. But in all seriousness, I love this station. They have introduced me to some new bands that I've taken a liking into. A list that includes Jupiter One, What Made Milwaukee Famous and Carolina Liar. If you ever get the chance, I highly recommend listening to some of these bands. You really won't be disappointed. Or even if you get XM Radio, turn into Alt Nation. If they play the good stuff, you'll have no problem relaxing at all. Thanks for listening again. I love you.

Crazy how I've updated my site now more times in one month than I have all year long. Funny how the world of Myspace and Facebook almost make you forget about the classic beginnings of the blogging world that is Xanga. I've been using three different sites lately, but Xanga is still my original home. It was where I talked to old friends and met new ones. Some of them I would eventually become really good friends with. Like Rebecca!!! We met on this site and now she is a really good friend and my boss at my job. Not to mention my old little sister Amber. Wow, those days just seem so long ago. Old memories are always lying within our heads, but we move on to the future. I've proven I have that capability lately. I saw Mike Sato at Fox's today and didn't once make any attempt to talk with him. He showed me what he really thought of me awhile back, and I let that be. I'm done running back or really giving a damn. But...this isn't to say that is the case in all situations.

I've met her finally. The girl that has stolen my heart and made me feel complete. The girl that I can't help but call, despite the fact I hate being on the phone. Sending the cute text messages and making sure her day went well. This girl has made me so happy. We I make her mad on accident, I have to call her back so I can apologize. I'm nowhere near whipped, but rather feeling that undeniable passion of love. Kelley Elizabeth Sanders. I couldn't ask for a greater gal in my life right now. It just goes to show that if you are patient good things will happen. You don't need to go searching for love, because majority of the time love with find you. She just came into my life out of nowhere. And I couldn't be happier with the results. This weekend we have plans to see each other. The sad part of all of this is that she lives 3 hours away. Yes, another long distance girl. Dyersburg this time, but still not too bad. Aside from that, this weekend when we meet I plan to ask her out. Being single for a year and a half takes a lot out of you. But when the right person comes along...sometimes waiting too long is too wrong. I hope all goes well, because I need that angel in my life.